maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
