i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
