His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm way too hungover for life right now
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize