You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
