ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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