I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
