You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
