Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
