i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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