life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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