belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
