So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
