He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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