I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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