ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I am naked and annoyed.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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