I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
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