i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize