im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I want to fling myself into the sun
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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