My girlfriend figured out who you are.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
