Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
