Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
