Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
