Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
