I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
