she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
