i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I think I sprained my soul last night
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
