I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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