you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
