I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
