just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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