Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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