My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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