1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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