I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
