So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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