I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize