I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
