I puked a lego.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
