someone owes me an orgasm
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
