ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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