i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Randomize
