So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Be still, my beating vagina.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
