I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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