So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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