At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
