the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just want nice things and good sex
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Randomize
