I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
