oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
handjob tips. give me some.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
