So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
