I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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