I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I need to stop coming to work sober
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize