i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
