I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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