at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Enjoy the penises
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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