Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
