dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
