discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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