they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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