ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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