I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
