i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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