I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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