I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
