I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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