party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
