dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
