I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
