Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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