Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
