Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
