I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
