He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
